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Frog A guy walks into a bar with a frog growing out of his forehead. Astonished, the barman shouts "wow, where'd you get that!! ? " the frog says, " I don't know, it started out as a wart on my ass! Drink Fast This guy walks into a bar and tells the barman to line up 10 glasses and start filling them with beer. So the barman starts filling the glasses up with beer, and the man is right behind him drinking them straight down. The barman says, hay mate whats your hurry? The man says if you had what I have you would do the same thing. The barman backs away and says what do you have. The man says about a quid. Devil The Devil walks into a crowded bar. When the people see who it is,they all run out except this one old man. So the devil walks up to him and says" Do you know who I am?" and the old man sips his beer and answers "yep". The Devil says "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?" The old man looks over and says" I've been married to your sister for 27 years, why the hell should I be scared of you." Fly in Beer A Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scot go out to a pub and order 3 pints. They each find a fly floating on the top of their beer. The Brit says, “barman, can I have a spoon?" and quietly removes the fly from his beer. The Irishman says, "Get out of there!" and flicks the fly away with a finger. The Scot picks the fly up, shaking it and yelled, "Spit it out you bastard! Spit it out!" Ranger The Lone Ranger comes into town during the hottest part of summer. He stops outside a bar and tells Tonto to run in circles around Silver his horse, waving his poncho to keep a nice breeze on Silver while he goes in to drink. A couple of minutes later a man dressed in black swaggers into the bar and says "You the Lone Ranger?" "Yes, I am" the Lone Ranger replies. "Oh," says the man dressed in black, "Did ya know ya left your injun runnin?" Guiness After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The barman dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The barman gives him one. The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it. The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The barman is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered. The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I." The New Bouncer A man walks into a bar. Sits down and drinks beer after beer, till at last he runs out of cash. The barman knows that he’s out of cash, and refuses him more drinks. After the mans incessant pleading, the barman agrees to three more, on the house, if he does three things. First he has to knock out the bouncer, a strapping young man. Then he has to pull a bad tooth that belongs to the bulldog in the backyard, and then have sex with the local tart who is sitting by herself at the end of the bar. "No problem" he replies, and proceeds to the door where he knocks the bouncer out, with one blow! The barman, amazed, points then to the back. The man nods, and heads off to pull the pooch's tooth. After a second, all that can be heard is the dog barking loudly. "Ruff ruff ruff". Ten minutes later, again. "Ruff ruff ruff". Again, after ten, "Ruff ruff ruff". The barman begins to worry until he finally sees the man coming around front, a proud look on his face. He grins at the barman and says, "Ok, now where's this tart with the loose tooth?" 
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